Christmas

For the first time in a really long time, I am looking forward to Christmas. I have dreaded Christmas for many years. Part of it is just the hustle and bustle of trying to get the perfect gift for your loved ones. This year, I let my brothers know that I was focusing more on the boys this year and I would not be getting them much since it was more important to me that my boys have a nice Christmas.


Last year, we put a tree up but the only decorations that were on it were the ones I had bought at Hallmark while working there. Just was not in the mood - this year my tree was up and decorated right after Thanksgiving.


Trevor's Christmas listed looked something like this: tires for dirtbike, Watch, clothes (m shirt pants 30 32 burton, fox ,metal mulitia, alpinestar, volcom), season pass to monarch, ipod 16gb, spy heilo white sunglasses, rear fender for my dirtbike, speakers for my car (6 1/2 front 6x9 rear, preferably alpine), mom :'(, new dvd player, different motocross gear hvlp paint spray gun, center channel surround sound speaker, Oakley crowboar snowboarding goggles ( white or black frame with fire lenses), precision screw driver set, nice tool set, black Globe shoes, money, HP printer cartridge #21.


I told Trevor there was one thing that definitely would not happen for Christmas and that was mom moving back home. I told him that I don't know when or if that will happen but that no matter where I am, I love him and his brother and will always be there for them, I am just a phone call, email or text away.


Ronny on the other hand did not send a list but mentioned he would like tires for his truck, a windshield for the truck, maybe some pants and shirts.


This Christmas will be a little different. Christmas eve is still on at my dad's with the entire family. Christmas morning I do not know where I will be. I am hoping to spend sometime with the boys but I know they will be spending time with their girlfriends too.


On the 13th work had there annual safety banquet. It was so much fun. Ben and I went. Had a little too much to drink, went bowling, to Denny's and then to WalMart at 2 am. A friend from the office was the designated driver - thank you very much. What a good time. It started out a tense night, since Trevor was sick and ended up in the emergency room - Ron took him - mono is a pretty wicked illness. He is getting better each day and hope he will be fully recouped by Christmas - that is the thing I would like the most, my baby boy to be feeling better and my oldest to stay healthy.

Counseling

When I moved out, I had agreed with Ron to go to counseling. We had the first of three sessions. What a joy.


The counselor tells me I must be depressed because I am making illogical or irrational decisions. Hmmm let's see I had been thinking about moving out for over a year before I did it. I mentioned things to Ron that we needed to work on. Things would get better then back to the same thing. I guess in the counselor's eyes taking time to think about a situation and then act on it is illogical. I know what I left. I miss my boys dearly. They are coming around more and that makes me happy. That has been the hardest part - not seeing or hearing from the kids everyday.


I take full responsibility for the situation we are in. I am the one who left. I am the one who is seeing someone else. I am the one who does not know what I want.


Second session is coming up - wonder what will come of this one - maybe the counselor will think I need to be locked up at the State Hospital - LOL.

The Thanksgiving weekend

Thanksgiving came and went. It was very different this year. Ron invited me over to have dinner with him, the boys, our former neighbor, and his mom. Ron did all the cooking and cleaning. It was hard to sit there and not help but I did. I figured it would not kill him to have to cook and clean up after a family gathering.

About 6, I left and met Ben at his Aunt's house. They had made a Swedish potato sausage for Ben's birthday and wanted me to try it. Not too bad really. We stayed for awhile and then headed to Kmart. I wanted Shrek2 - they had sold out. We went to WalMart and I had them price match it. He bought Indiana Jones Monopoly.

When we got back to the apartment, it was time to start playing Monopoly. Ben really hates to loose - he lost the first game and had to redeem himself by challenging me to a second game. This time he was victorious. By the time we finished playing it was well after 3 am and we were going shopping at 4:30. We managed to stay awake.

This was Ben's first experience with BLACK FRIDAY shopping. He did really good. I stood in line in electronics for a camera as he went to get me a Christmas tree. He must have misunderstood when I said any color lights will be fine. He came back with a purple Christmas tree. He was kind enough to go get me the correct one. We switched places in the line so I could go find me a Cabbage Patch Newborn and my niece a few things. The line had not moved when I got back. He decided to help me out and find a closer spot in the line. If you don't know Ben he is well over 6 foot tall and over 200 lbs so for him to move into line most people don't say anything. Within about 15 minutes of him line jumping, I had the camera. We were done shopping.

Off to breakfast we went and back to the apartment. We made it back before 7 am. Nap time.

As Ben slept I put up my tree. Ventured out later in the day to buy ornaments and garland since the red I got from Ron was not quite the look I wanted.

Saturday the 29th was Ben's birthday. We had dinner at his sister's and played Monopoly. It was such a blast to get them to gang up on him with me. Poor guy, took him four tries to get around the board - we kept putting him in jail. By the time he made it around all the property but 2 had been bought. We called the game so we could play cards.

When we left his sister's we stopped by to get his "boy" who had been with his parents since Tuesday. That is one spoiled puppy but adorable.

Sunday evening Ben brought me home.