Firsts

In our lives we have many firsts to mark milestones. It starts with our first breath then progresses through the next year with other firsts - word, tooth and steps. As we grow we encounter bigger firsts - day of school, friend, fight, crush, love and death. Each of these firsts are not to be looked at as any less than the previous they are all things to be cherished.

I have had many firsts in the last year - first apartment, first time living on my own, first time to see the ocean, first time to visit many states in one trip plus others. I have also experienced in the last few years a first that I hope many will not endure - that is the first time I fell out of love. To realize you are in a relationship where the love for your partner is not what it should be is not a good feeling. To move on is not an easy thing to do.

I am lucky in the sense that I have family and friends that have been dealing with me and my many moods. I am at the point where that chapter in my life is going to officially end and I can start a new chapter.

I have been questioned as to why now and not a year ago. My response is that a year ago, there was a chance that things could have worked out but neither one of us put ourselves out there. Now we have both moved on and why put it off any longer. Sometimes people need to have time apart to decide if they can live without the other.

I am putting myself out there once again to see if maybe in my next relationship I stay in love and that he stays in love with me.