Throughout our lives, we are given assignments whether for education, work or pleasure. If you fail to complete those assignments there are consequences. The counselor gave Ron and I a very specific assignment to have completed by our next session on April 1. The assignment - to meet two times for at least 30 minutes just the two of us at a neutral location. So far we are failing. The consequence is one we will impose on ourselves - placing another brick with mortar on the wall between us or could it be something more?
I have told Ron if he wants the relationship, he will make an effort to contact me. That does not happen very often. I think the writing on the wall is becoming more visible but will anyone do anything to change it?
I celebrated my birthday this year doing a few different things. I took the day off and went with a friend to Cripple Creek. We drove up in blizzard conditions after a long board meeting. We had a good time. Lost a little money but it was worth it.
Later that evening Ron, the kids and I went to dinner at Red Lobster. It was nice and strange at the same time. I was very reluctant to go.
After dinner I went to my oldest brothers to have cake and ice cream him and my sister in law. She ordered me an orange chiffon cake. It was nice.
I did not see Ben that day. He had agreed that we would celebrate my birthday another day so I could celebrate with the kids. I did get to talk to him though.
I received some like apricot colored roses from a male friend. They look so nice in the vase on the corner of my desk. That was really sweet of him. He is also trying to teach me to bowl properly.
I started thinking back to September for Ron's birthday. The whole family - me, the boys, my brothers, my dad, my step mom, his mom and his aunt went to Texas Roadhouse. He likes that place along with Cracker Barrel. Afterwards we went back to the house. I ended up staying the night. I can not remember if we had cake or not. Probably not - I guess I messed up and did not think to do it. I had only moved out about a week before. I did take the time to buy him something though.
The next few months will be very busy - Easter, Trevor's 17th bday and Ronny's high school graduation. How things will play out, that is not known yet.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Sunday, March 15, 2009
What a day
March 10 started out as a normal day but the evening took a turn that no one was expecting. My boss for nearly the last 6 years, was told by our Board members that they were ending his employment contract. This was after 5 pm and shortly before our 6:30 board meeting. Needless to say the boss was not to be in attendance.
News spread quickly throughout the District - thanks to text messaging and emails. We had a full house that night at the Board meeting. Many of the employees on the verge of tears, including myself, when the motion was made and passed 4 to 0 to terminate the employment contract.
The news spread quickly throughout the community. The local paper which is normally delivered on Thursday came out on Wednesday afternoon. The office was a buzz on Wednesday, so much confusion as to what was going to happen with everyone.
There has been rumor since May 2008 of the Board wanting to terminate our District Manager and possibly two other people in management. It has not been confirmed as to who these individuals are. All I know is that I feel that I could be one of the next to go.
There was a bright side to March 10, when I was at Wal-Mart buying creamer for the Board meeting. Ben text me and asked if I could get off work early on Friday. I said I would let him know. He later told me he made a hotel reservation but would not say where. He did tell me we were going near Estes Park. I was so excited. I can not remember if anyone had every made plans as a surprise for me.
It turns out we staid at the Stanley Hotel in Estes Park. It is a haunted hotel and was the inspiration for the Shining. We checked in on Friday the 13th - how cool. I am kinda sick that way. We had an awesome time.
News spread quickly throughout the District - thanks to text messaging and emails. We had a full house that night at the Board meeting. Many of the employees on the verge of tears, including myself, when the motion was made and passed 4 to 0 to terminate the employment contract.
The news spread quickly throughout the community. The local paper which is normally delivered on Thursday came out on Wednesday afternoon. The office was a buzz on Wednesday, so much confusion as to what was going to happen with everyone.
There has been rumor since May 2008 of the Board wanting to terminate our District Manager and possibly two other people in management. It has not been confirmed as to who these individuals are. All I know is that I feel that I could be one of the next to go.
There was a bright side to March 10, when I was at Wal-Mart buying creamer for the Board meeting. Ben text me and asked if I could get off work early on Friday. I said I would let him know. He later told me he made a hotel reservation but would not say where. He did tell me we were going near Estes Park. I was so excited. I can not remember if anyone had every made plans as a surprise for me.
It turns out we staid at the Stanley Hotel in Estes Park. It is a haunted hotel and was the inspiration for the Shining. We checked in on Friday the 13th - how cool. I am kinda sick that way. We had an awesome time.
Monday, March 2, 2009
Can anyone explain to me?
When you get married, the traditional marriage vows are something like:
“I, take you, to be my (wife/husband), to have and behold from this day on, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; until death do us part.”
Most of us have no issue with the vows but it seems that there came a point in my marriage that the part about to love and to cherish seemed to slip away. No one person is to blame. It took two to have it happen. Things were taken for granted. Things that should never have stopped did. Basically instead of growing together, we grew apart. Where do you start to get that back? That is the question that seems neither one of us can answer or is willing to answer.
I wonder how can someone who is supposed to love and cherish you say they love you but do nothing to prove it to you. Then you have someone else who has not made any commitment to you; show you things that you were lacking in your relationship. Simple things like when you are crying to comfort you, no questions asked, just holding you tight against their chest. A gentle kiss when they first see you, before saying good bye or just because they feel like it.
I also know that in the last 6 months or longer I have not shown my love either. Sometimes you get to a point where you give and give but do not see anything happening so wonder why. You wonder what you could have done to make your spouse not want to show you they love and cherish you. You wonder how you can become more of a fixture around the house than a major part of someone’s life. You question whether or not you are valued in the relationship for the person you are versus just for your physical presence.
These are just a few of the thoughts I have running through my mind these days. The answers aren’t apparent. Eventually they will have to be.
A few things I do know. The things that have changed since September are that we talk less and see each other less. These things were expected. It also appears that the distance between us seems to be widening, this was not expected. Basically there has been no real effort from either of us. I will not take the lead. I figure if the relationship is important enough then something will be done to try to improve it otherwise I know that it must not have mattered.
“I, take you, to be my (wife/husband), to have and behold from this day on, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; until death do us part.”
Most of us have no issue with the vows but it seems that there came a point in my marriage that the part about to love and to cherish seemed to slip away. No one person is to blame. It took two to have it happen. Things were taken for granted. Things that should never have stopped did. Basically instead of growing together, we grew apart. Where do you start to get that back? That is the question that seems neither one of us can answer or is willing to answer.
I wonder how can someone who is supposed to love and cherish you say they love you but do nothing to prove it to you. Then you have someone else who has not made any commitment to you; show you things that you were lacking in your relationship. Simple things like when you are crying to comfort you, no questions asked, just holding you tight against their chest. A gentle kiss when they first see you, before saying good bye or just because they feel like it.
I also know that in the last 6 months or longer I have not shown my love either. Sometimes you get to a point where you give and give but do not see anything happening so wonder why. You wonder what you could have done to make your spouse not want to show you they love and cherish you. You wonder how you can become more of a fixture around the house than a major part of someone’s life. You question whether or not you are valued in the relationship for the person you are versus just for your physical presence.
These are just a few of the thoughts I have running through my mind these days. The answers aren’t apparent. Eventually they will have to be.
A few things I do know. The things that have changed since September are that we talk less and see each other less. These things were expected. It also appears that the distance between us seems to be widening, this was not expected. Basically there has been no real effort from either of us. I will not take the lead. I figure if the relationship is important enough then something will be done to try to improve it otherwise I know that it must not have mattered.
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